My dearest baby Owen,
You’re a thinker, aren’t you? So far, you’re quieter and calmer than your brother and sister ever were inside of me. Did you realize it wasn’t such a scary place after all? That maybe it was warmer and cozier than you’d thought?
Or maybe it’s just that you don’t get the sense that it’s forbidden anymore. Forgive me, Owen, for ever having feelings of doubts about loving and wanting you.
The truth is that I’ve always loved and wanted you, I just didn’t know it for a really long time.
My heart has longed for you – for specifically you, baby Owen – for what feels like forever. Our little family here on earth has had a lot of trials the past two years trying to get you here. Your little sister Amelia was always supposed to be second in line, and even though it’s tested my soul in ways I never thought possible I see now that what happened was for the best. I’m sure you understand this already, and I’m sure your soul is far older and wiser than mine.
Owen, you are stronger than I am. I know it probably isn’t the easiest job to be a rainbow baby, but thank you for lining up to come join our family anyway. I’ll probably cry a lot, and we will probably have a heart-to-heart late at night sometimes about how I miss your sister. You might have to learn patience and good listening skills, because there will surely be a lot for us to figure out along the way. Owen, will you love me anyway, despite my flaws and shortcomings?
I feel like the luckiest mama in the world that you chose me. Keep growing big and strong, and I’ll do my best to keep you safe. I won’t let you down, Owen. The world and the stars and the moon are yours for the taking.
xoxo, Mama
