Calling around to funeral homes getting price quotes for our daughter’s burial was not what I had envisioned I’d be doing the day of my 24th birthday. But alas, here I am sitting at the computer picking out a casket and the one or two outfits she might get to wear. All of a sudden my life has so drastically changed, and I fear I can’t keep up with it.

I just want everything to be perfect for our little Amelia. I think in the grand scheme of things it won’t matter if she wore shoes when she was buried or if her grave is under a tree or not or if her bonnet is too big. But I want everything to be absolutely perfect anyway. She needs to know without a doubt that I love and care for her. Our final moments have to be the perfect reflection of our love for her, since a lifetime of kisses and birthday parties and lunchbox napkin notes won’t ever get communicated.

So on my “Jack Bauer birthday” (as Tyler calls it) here’s to you, my two precious kiddos. Jack, I am so proud to be your mama. You are growing up into the most handsome young man with the kindest, gentlest heart. I hope and pray your cheeks stay chubby and round and ever-so-kissable. Amelia, I’m at a loss for words right now. Know that I love you and care so deeply for you. Daddy and I wish the best for you, but I think the path already laid out for you shows your strength and commitment to our Lord. You are a brave, brave soul, my dear.