So, surprise! (…or probably not so surprising seeing how quiet I’ve been on the blog for the past two months…) We shared our big announcement on facebook yesterday and got an overwhelming amount of love from our friends. I know so many of you have been praying for us and hoping right along with us that this day would finally come, and it has!

Jack is going to be a big brother again – Tyler and I are expecting baby jones #3 in June 2014! We are obviously thrilled, but it hasn’t been easy physically or emotionally. I’ve been constantly sick since a few days after we found out, and trying to keep everything together while Jack started preschool and we are moving and buying a house has been insane! Tyler has been traveling 3 out of the 5 days each week, and it’s been really, really difficult to keep myself going when he’s not here.

I don’t really eat a variety of foods anymore. I don’t cook AT ALL, aside from pancakes and bean burritos for Jack. Semifreddi’s sweet baguettes (from a local Bay Area bakery) are one of the only things that ever sounds remotely appetizing, so I probably eat like two a week. It’s embarrassing that I eat pretty dang healthy when I’m not pregnant, but the moment I’m supposed to be growing a human all food morals and vegetables get thrown out the window. But roasted green beans – even if they are from the farmer’s market – sound so gross right now!

We don’t know if the baby is healthy yet (there is a heartbeat!), but I feel so blessed that we were even able to get this far. It’s been a really long journey and I remember even just six months ago I wasn’t sure if I’d ever want more kids again. And then when I thought I was ready I really wasn’t ; taking that step to even start trying again took me a lot longer than I anticipated. Tyler has been so patient with me.

And it’s nerve-wracking. Now that I know so much could go wrong, it’s terrifying to be so vulnerable again. I was in denial and could barely admit to myself that I was pregnant for the first nine weeks until I saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound. I’m still in a state of shock, and will probably be until this baby is born and healthy in my arms.

And some days, I’m not sure if I want this. It’s strange to me that something that was once a joyful celebration has now turned into a burden for me. Some days it’s a struggle to be optimistic and hopeful. I think in the end I need to realize that no matter what happens, deep down my heart is overflowing with gratitude that the Lord has continued (and will continue) to bless us with beautiful babies. And they’re mine to keep FOREVER.