These days, I can’t help but shed a tear or two throughout the day when I think of her face. She’s been pushed aside for far too long. I smelled her last week and I know I sound crazy, but she’s been so close lately.

These days, I can’t tell you I’m content anymore with our tiny family of three like I’ve grown to be over the past year. It’s time for us to grow, but I’ve got a lot of anxiety. (Breathe, Alie. It’s normal.)

These days, I crave water with lemon; I’ve never liked water with lemon before. I feel so sophisticated.

These days, I want desperately what some of my dearest friends have. I know it’s hard being 8 1/2 months pregnant or spending every waking (and sleeping!) moment caring for a newborn, but think of that tiny, healthy little spirit that was sent to your family. It’s amazing how much our Heavenly Father trusts us.

These days, I long to live within a few miles of the beach. I crave the sticky sand between my toes, and the clarity that has always come to me from listening to the tide.

These days, I’ve discovered my skin’s favorite moisturizer is straight-up coconut oil. (Apologies if I smell like paradise.)

These days, I’m excited for Hawaii. Soon, I’ll get an entire week of much-needed one-on-one time with my best friend. I’m excited to hold his hand without a toddler thinking we’ve made a tunnel just for him. ;)

These days, I envy that Tyler gets to be so submersed in work. I wish I had more of a distraction.

These days, I keep thinking about the kind (& get this – lds!) family we met at the cemetery on Sunday. They lost their infant son not so long ago too, and yet they looked so happy. How do I get to that place?

These days, I have more down days than up days. I try to tell myself there’s no reason for it, but who am I kidding? How do other people do this?!