I have been given the sweetest, most patient and humble little boy.
He’s the kind of little man that after coming inside, turns around and closes the sliding door because he knows its the right thing to do. He’s the kind of little man that tells me repeatedly, uh oh! uh oh! when he sees dozens of napkins blowing away outside Chipotle, and doesn’t let up until every last one of them is collected.
He’s the kind of little man who goes right down for nap and right down for bedtime, no questions asked. He’s the kind of little man that when bath time is over, he nods obediently, starts collecting his toys, and kindly unplugs the drain for you so you don’t have to get your long-sleeved shirt wet.
He’s the kind of little man who puts things back right where he got them, because after all, that’s the right thing to do.
So why is it so difficult to parent this little man of mine? His patient, endearing, obedient personality constantly makes me wonder, am I doing enough?
Does he need preschool this year? Am I socializing him enough? Is he around enough adults? Should he take a tumbling class? Should I be concerned he doesn’t know his colors yet? And his speech is behind – what did I do wrong to cause that?
Sometimes my tender heart gets too tired to fight and just gives in. Sometimes this little heart of mine can’t handle the anxieties and fears and pains associated with being a mama, and lingers dangerously close to Satan’s grasp. He’s trying to make me feel like a failure of a mother, and sometimes I feel like it’s working. He’s using lies and deceit and comparisons to get to me. The dude puts up a tough fight.
But Satan, I AM STRONGER than you are and I AM DOING PLENTY OF GOOD. I know you can’t compare apples to oranges, so don’t you try to deceive me. I know my faith might be teeny tiny like a mustard seed, but I’ve got a Father in Heaven who graciously helps me where I fall short.
That little boy of mine? I was meant to be his mama, and I’m going to love and support that kid throughout his entire life.
That little boy is my world, and I won’t let you ever, ever take him from me.
Ms. Alie, I was reading this article (www.slate.me/10mh5b2) yesterday and thought of you and Jack when I got to the last paragraphs:
“What else? Well, nothing in American parenting is anything like the concept of ng’om, which is used by the Kipsigis people in rural Kenya to describe children who are especially intelligent and responsible. This concept of intelligence, as Harkness and Super have written, highlights ‘aspects of social competence, including responsibility and helpfulness.’ These aspects, they add dryly, ‘have tended to be overlooked in Western formal theories of children’s intelligence.’
Part of the lesson of parental ethnotheories is that when we look for certain qualities, we stop seeing others. It’s a cruel circle: Because our version of intelligence overlooks ng’om, we don’t prize it. Because we don’t prize it, we don’t see it. Because we don’t see it, we obviously don’t encourage it or acknowledge it—we don’t create its condition for possibility. And yet none of this stops us from wondering, years later, why our children insist on leaving their coats on the floor.” (er, this last part didn’t make me think of you…mostly the lovely part in the first paragraph that totally described Jack)
In my time at your house I was continually delighted by how kind, intelligent, responsible, and helpful Jack is, and incredibly impressed by you and Tyler as parents. When people ask my dad for parenting secrets he says it’s pretty easy: start out with good kids and don’t mess ’em up. You have started out with the best little kids, and with how much you love them and fight for them there’s no way you’re going to mess it up. I think about you often, Alie! You are a wonderful mama, and everyone knows it.
Thank you, Lauren! I needed to hear that.
You’re doing a Great Job Allie!!! I feel just like this so often and I totally understand. I thought you might want to know about the speech a little. I don’t know what is available in CA, but here there’s and office with the school district that will come to your house to test speech and see if they need out of the home help. The biggest thing I learned from that experience with William was what I could do at home to help. Prompts to help remind him how to say things. It was really good. I don’t know how worried you are about it, or if he would qualify, but there are people out there who taught me so much. Good luck, and keep trucking. I know you are a great mom, and so does our Savior. Keep listening to Him:) Have a great weekend hon!
He does qualify, so we’re working on getting speech started soon. My sister also loves the state program in Utah, so we’ll see how it compares to the CA one.