I’m finding that there’s a very fine balance between the love and the faith you have in your child.
Speech therapy evaluations & second opinions are anything but friendly. They have biting, sharp words that pierce even the toughest mama’s heart to the very core. Your child is behind, late, below average, poor. Those pages and pages of professional assessments all but tell me that my child is broken.
Part of me wants so badly to believe in Jack, to have faith in him that he’ll eventually get it. He’s young still! Her kid started talking late too, maybe Jack is just like her kid. But then again, the doctors tell me it won’t go away on its own. Who do I put my faith in, and is faith enough without works?
No matter how hard I try as a mama, apparently I’m just not good enough. No amount of repetition of the “m” or “c” sounds, or sounding out the words “more” and “milk” and “car” and “tree” seems to sink in. He points out flowers and trees and motorcycles on our stroller walks, but without his cute little pointer finger saying “there!” I’d be lost and confused.
It’s just hard not to feel like a failure of a mama when one of your kids is dead, and the other is approaching 2 1/2 and can’t even communicate with words clearly. It’s hard not to feel like a failure of a mama when you feel like you can’t create a child without a fatal flaw.
A tear rolled down my cheek in the car this morning when Jack combined two words to say, “see bus!” I started bawling, right there at the stop light, so happy for that little tender mercy. And there are more of them – many more of them – every single minute of every single day.
I am true to what little faith I do have, and we’ve begun the works to go with it. And as faith and works are working hand in hand together, we’re already seeing tiny mercies and progress. May they keep on coming, because I need them desperately.
Think about this from another vantage point. Has it crossed your mind that God sends the special kids that need extra care to the best moms? Don’t underestimate your importance!
Think about this from another vantage point. Has it crossed your mind that God sends the special kids that need extra care to the best moms? Don’t underestimate your importance!
Hang in there, Ali! You are doing a wonderful job as a mother! There are many, many kids that take time to absorb and get information down pat before they let on that they’re right there with, or even ahead of, their age group. Michael didn’t talk until he was 4. He grunted, he did what the doctors labeled as a ‘gloatal attack,’ but that was his communication for four years. Once he turned four, he started speaking sentences and showed everybody he really was absorbing everything that was said to/around him, he just wasn’t sure of his speaking skills until then. Every kid has their own time table. More doctors need to acknowledge this instead of telling the parents they need to do more.
i think you are a wonderful mom. i think you are an amazing girl. i think jack is the sweetest boy. i think this probably seems so hard, but i also think everything will be ok. hang in there, you are doing great. love you xxo
Alie don’t feel like a failure for one second! You are an amazing mother and I look up to you in so many ways. Jack is beyond lucky to have you to teach and guide him. Every child has their difficulties – for heavens sake, Maddie walked at 16 months and I had doctors telling me she was below average and behind, telling me she needed physical therapy so she could keep up and not get even further behind. And she’s just fine now – just how Jack will be. Don’t stress too much, you are doing awesome!
Alie, in the ward that I moved from, there were 3 families whose children had had speech delays and gone through speech therapy. One is still in the process, I think, and the two others’ children are older now, have caught up and are doing great. Let me know if you’d like me to put you in touch with them for some extra info and moral support! :)
Alie,
Just catching up on your blog as I have fallen behind since I moved. Some words of (hopefully) comfort – I was a very late talker, as well. I don’t have exact ages, but I know that my mom has told me that while I was an early mover, it took me a long time to catch up to other kids my age in the verbal realm. And even once I got the full sentences and communication thing down, it took me two years of speech therapy in school (2nd and 3rd grade) just to get those darn “r” sounds right. The good news is, I like to fancy myself as being a great speaker now, have a very high vocabulary, and have a degree in English. So don’t lose hope! Any woman would be crazy not to look up to you and your parenting. And any woman would also be crazy not to be concerned about her child if he was a little delayed in any form of development. If I can be half the mom that you are to my future children – I will feel like I have succeeded. Jack is a lucky little boy.
XO Mindee
Mindee, thank you so much for sharing exactly what I needed to hear.