Amelia Lynn,

I caught your brother dragging Bunny Amelia by the ears this morning, and told him to knock it off because he would hurt her. He gave Bunny Amelia kisses instead, and gently stroked her belly.

I caught your brother giving rides to Bunny Amelia this morning on his little red bumper car. He made sure she knew how to make the horn go “beep beep!” and how to make the car go “boing!” when you run it into the couch. He kept checking to see if Bunny Amelia was having as much fun as he was.

I caught your brother trying to put shoes and socks on Bunny Amelia this morning, so she could come to the post office with us. He was so sad when I showed him they didn’t fit her.

Amelia, your brother loves you. Somewhere deep down in that tiny toddler body of his, he knows you still exist. I bet he’s confused when we “go visit Amelia”, and wind up at the cemetery. It breaks my heart that he tries to hard to bond with Bunny Amelia, but she can’t bond back like you could have.

I don’t know why you were taken from us so soon. I don’t know why Heavenly Father felt like you needed to only come to earth for two short days. Sometimes it’s hard to keep a happy face when I don’t have you here in my arms like other mamas do.

I was okay for a while, Amelia. I put on a brave face and tried to move on the best I knew how. But lately the would-have-been milestones are hard to think about. Seven month olds sit up on their own, don’t you know? Seven month olds eat vegetables and fruits and crunchy cereals. Seven month olds babble and play peek-a-boo and throw rattles at their brothers. Seven month olds give wet, open-mouthed kisses. Where are my kisses, Amelia?

Someday soon enough, I’ll get my chance to be a mama again. But nothing will ever fill the empty, gaping hole in my heart you left. Nothing comes close to being you, Amelia.

And for that, I’m a little bit angry. I’m a little bit upset, and I’m a little bit hurt.

This permanent ache in my chest just can’t be soothed, and it’s downright frustrating. I feel like my arms are destined to remain empty.

Until we meet again, my darling daughter, my heart is yours. Save some kisses and babbles and smiles for me.

xoxo, Mama