I’ve been avoiding coming to terms with the fact that I want a baby. Like today, tomorrow, nine months from yesterday.
It’s a daily struggle lining up the Lord’s plan with Tyler’s silent longings, Jack going googly eyes over every swaddled infant he sees, and my own utter desperation for a baby. I know it’s not quite time yet, and I’ve learned to trust in the Lord’s timing.
But I wish, oh how I wish it was.
I’m ready, and I’ve got more love to give. My heart is ready to grow and make room for more. The Lord already knows this, but “to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” He’s telling me to wait.
I can only imagine the love and joy we will feel when we at last bring another child into our home. “And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience … ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, … and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst. …Ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience” (Alma 32).
“In all the important decisions in our lives, what is most important is to do the right thing. Second, and only slightly behind the first, is to do the right thing at the right time. People who do the right thing at the wrong time can be frustrated and ineffective. They can even be confused about whether they made the right choice when what was wrong was not their choice but their timing.” -Dallin H. Oaks, October 2003
…and so I wait. Some days I’m more patient than others. I’ve realized the same amount of time will pass whether I am upset and wallowing in pity, or when I’m busy learning and growing to become a better mother and wife. (But it’s still okay to wallow in pity sometimes. Feelings must be felt.) And someday soon, The Lord will not only give me what I need, He’ll also give it at the time that is best for me.
I really needed this today. You have no idea what an influence for good you are in my life.
Well Said :)
I love this so much. I’ve been reading it again and again today. Even though we all have different circumstances, I think this principle is something that all of us can relate to. Thank you for sharing!
I saw this way AFTER my comment (about wanting a baby right now) on your adorable picture this morning. Man, can I ever relate! :) It’s been especially tough for me to know that I can’t have a baby just yet too. It somehow always feels like everyone I know IS pregnant. I sometimes find myself resenting others who are able to have families right now. I know, crazy right?! :) My desire to have a baby has always been strong, and it really went wack-o once I hit 19 or 20. I have cried countless times because I want so badly to be a mom and soak up that new baby smell! However, despite all the crazy emotion, I know it is just not the right time for my husband and myself. I also know that if I do wait for the right time, it will be infinitely more enjoyable and rewarding AND better for my baby too. And that is why I wait – and wait and wait and wait ;). I can say, without a doubt, that this is the hardest thing I have ever waited for. It requires a lot of strength and I have come close to giving up many times. I often need to remind myself to enjoy (and be present in) what I have now: a lovely husband, a cute dog, a fun job, and a beautiful home. It’s silly to wish away what I have now because I’m so anxious for the future. I would miss out on a lot of great opportunities to focus on my marriage and grow myself. (Also it’s kind of awesome to play mommy, as a nanny, during the day and then go home and have time to myself kid-less. ) Every stage of life is nessecary for some reason or another :) Enjoy your time now, building up what you have. Relish the days you spend with your handsome Jack! Allow yourself to heal as much as humanly possible. You are SO strong and I am completely convinced you are wonder woman. Sorry for the long comment! Your post just hits home with me, and I wanted to let you know I am right here with you. :))
yes yes yes yes!! I totally agree that every stage of life is necessary for some reason or another. You are going to be the greatest mama, and it’s really cool that right now you get a semi-practice run on older kids (well, toddler is older to me…). Don’t take it for granted. ALL of my sisters with 3+ kids tell me I’m lucky to have this extra time, and I know if I look at it the right way, I am.
Also, I’m so glad you’ve realize right now isn’t the right time. It’s sometimes so hard to listen to that little “wait! wait!” voice when everyone around you has got a green light…