Last Friday afternoon I sobbed uncontrollably in front of the computer screen. My heart was heavy and aching at the unfairness of it all.

But then I found light in this quote by Melvin J. Ballard. He says,

“We cannot always understand the plans of the Almighty, but I feel sure that He does all things well and that sometimes the thing that seems almost like a disaster is a blessing in disguise. The only thing that matters is that we keep the right attitude. It is only when we become bitter that we let it change our whole lives, but when we can keep our courage and keep our eyes upon the mark and still go on toward our destiny, that is what matters. All these trials become purifying influences in our lives and leave us purer gold by and by.”

 

How true this statement is! As a mother who’s recently lost her child (albeit in not as tragic of a way) I have a strong testimony that such a trial does leave us “purer gold by and by”. We are changed people; we truly become better people. Because without sorrow, there can’t be true joy.

I pretty much cried the rest of the afternoon, thinking of the (close to) thirty mamas (and dear daddies) whose child’s stocking will hang over their fireplace, serving as a constant reminder of what was lost. How, even with the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ, it will be such an empty and lonely Christmas season for those families. I thought of those empty rooms and those empty, cold beds that will never again feel the warmth and bright eyes of those children, parents, and teachers.

I cried and cried, and held Jack a little tighter. We prayed and snuggled and kissed together. And when Tyler walked safely through the door that evening, we all embraced in a deep hug and cried again together in our kitchen.

You just don’t know when your world might come crashing down on you. We learned that lesson all too many times this year. My heart is so heavy with grief and pain and anguish and fear. I hurt for those families. I hurt for those babies that, like Amelia, were lost and cannot be found. I hurt for those mamas that long to embrace their children once more before laying them in the cold, dry earth.

Just know, mamas, that you don’t grieve alone, and it gets better. Your baby is safe and she knows you love her and miss her. But as hard as it is to acknowledge, she really is happier in heaven. It’s bright and warm and full of all things good up there. She is busy busy busy contributing to that good. I know you long to see her beautiful smile, to run your fingers through her thin locks of hair once more. You will get the chance again, even if all this waiting is bittersweet.

One day soon, when this crazy world is full of just as much good as it has evil, all will be made right. Angels will surround us, and you and me will get to see our darling babies once more in the most joyful reunion.