Amelia passed away just twelve hours after she came home with us, at 3:45am on Thursday morning. I wouldn’t wish watching your child die in your arms on my worst enemy. I was caught between emotions, wanting so badly as her mother to take her pain away but knowing there was nothing I could do. And though our sweet Amelia was gone from us, we cuddled her frail, lifeless body until several hours later the mortuary took her away.
While I felt the deepest sorrow a mother can feel, it was also an occasion of joy and happiness. I was able to smile through those last tears, as her spirit was finally able to leave her broken body to return to her Heavenly Father and Mother. But how sorrowful and empty I felt as I hugged and kissed her tiny body!
We had a small graveside service the next day, on Friday, August 31. The world again was still, and the skies were cold and dreary as we dedicated her grave.
Forgive me, Amelia, for I shed too many tears while you were with us. Some were tears of sorrow, and some were tears of joy. You changed my life for the better, and I anxiously await the day your daddy and I can see your beautiful face again. Prepare your siblings up there in Heaven for the challenges that await them. When they join our family here on earth, please help us to lead them in righteousness so we can all be together again as an eternal family.
I love you, my sweet Amelia. Daddy loves you, and Jack loves you. You have blessed our family with the strength of a warrior. Your spirit will always be with us, leading us and guiding us. Have we told you we’re glad you chose to come to our family? Because knowing what we know now, if we got to choose, we’d do it all over again.
Edit: (My cousin reminded me today that I forgot to mention something very important! In the end, we were able to donate Amelia’s heart valves. More on that later.)
Such beautiful words for your sweet Amelia. I am so sorry for your loss.
It amazes me (though it totally make sense) what an impact & influence this one little girl, who only lived a few short days, will have on your family for forever – on both sides of heaven. I keep re-reading your 4th paragraph. It’s truly beautiful.
Outside of your own family, all four of you will also forever be an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing and teaching all of us even in the midst of your deepest struggles.
Thank you for sharing this part of your life. Echoing the previous comment, you have inspired and taught me and I’m so grateful. I hope I can meet Amelia someday too. May God bless you all!
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. I know that personally I was affected by this (just dealing with my own loss not too long ago) I understand more of our Father’s love for us because of what I went through. It is true that these losses hurt and are deeply scarred into our souls, but they happen for a reason. I was very angry about losing my brother. For how it happened and leaving a little boy without a daddy to care for him, but with reading your story, it has helped me deal with this loss better, to understand that it has to be Father’s will, and that He will comfort me through this journey. You grieve the way you need to Alex. Don’t be sorry for your feelings. They are normal and Father understands. You are a choice woman. God is very happy with you, I am sure. May peace be with you forever. Thank you for teaching me to rely more on God than myself. Luv Ya!
Again I’m crying. You’re so eloquent in speaking of Amelia. I don’t know if I would be able to do the same. When I was pregnant with Hudson we spoke about the possibility of him having Downs and how I was preparing for it. I received a blessing in which we were told that our family would receive a special spirit.At that time I had no idea that it was not me that would receive it, but that you were chosen. Heavenly Father knows us and knew you were strong and faithful enough to love Amelia. Continue to be strong. I’m sure at times it’s difficult but you truly are a special family.
Alie, I got the chills reading this! You are amazing!
Alie,
I haven’t commented yet but have been reading all of your updates and think you are one of the strongest people I know. Thank you so much for sharing your journey – I feel like I know Amelia just from reading her story. :)
You are amazing and I hope we get to see each other very soon!
Nikki
You brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your little girls story with all of us; her story will forever strengthen all those individuals that hear it. She served a mission in her short life here and will probably leave a bigger impact than many. Your family and her are so special- I am honored that I lived above you many years ago. Thank you for blessing my life with your testimony and story. We love you.
Sweet Amelia, your grammy loves you too. You chose the best family to be a part of! Alie, it is when we submit to our Father’s will in hard times that we grow the most. Thank you for reminding us all that with humillity and the right attitude we can have the best experiences in the worst situations. Trials are not easy, but I am so thankful for my trials and for coming out a better person on the other side of them most of the time. As I told you in the beginning of this journey, I am sorry you have to go through it, but I wouldn’t take it away even if I could.What a great example you are to all of us.
I’ve been reading all your posts about Amelia. I am touched by your honesty. It’s refreshing to read. Many who go on this journey as you have, do not tell how hard it really is. Everyone who reads your blog knows you love this baby. I’m so sorry you went through this and I’m sorry Amelia isn’t here with you now. From the tiny bit I can see of her, she was a pretty little baby. She is very lucky to have you as her Mother.
Thank you. Thank you for sharing this deeply spiritual and special story with me. I cried and cried and then held my babies a little closer. Amelia has touched my life for the better, and I am grateful for her, you, and Tyler.
Now we know what having a true angel on earth is….it is Amelia. Thank you for the chance to share in her miracle.
Thank you for sharing your experiances with us. My heart is profoundly touched by your strength, love, and honesty. I imagine Kylee & Amelia will be constant companions through your families journey.
Bless you for your gift of organ donation. I have been able to enjoy 26 more years with my brother thanks to organ donation.
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