I wrote this early Friday morning, just after we got the news Thursday evening.

The first thought I had when I woke up this morning was, “The little kicking baby inside of me is going to die.”

I think in a strange way I was prepared for this through Tyler’s brother’s death last month. I can’t speak for Tyler because being his brother he will have had an entirely different experience. I can only speak through my own eyes and my own perspective.

Looking at the body at a funeral viewing isn’t something I’d say I’m comfortable with. But over the course of the two days and several hours we spent with an open casket in the room, my mind began to slowly make sense of things. The very first time I viewed the body, I could immediately tell it wasn’t Trevor. It was his body, but without his spirit it was merely the tabernacle to carry him through this life before he went into the next.

I’ve never lost a child. How does ones prepare for the inevitable loss of the being inside of them? But I imagine when the time comes I will view the body of our babe and know that this is merely a body. I will know beyond doubt that our precious baby’s spirit is so choice it will not need to live with a mortal body here on earth but will live forever in the eternities with our loving Heavenly Father.

I’d like to end my thoughts by sharing with you an excerpt from an email my dad wrote to me last night that helped me keep in perspective the Lord’s timetable:

 “You two are very valiant children of the Lord preserved to bring forth the Lord’s purposes in the last days.  One of these purposes is to provide earthly tabernacles for the Lord’s children.  In most cases these tabernacles grow up to adulthood and experience earth life proving their faith and obedience.  On occasion a child of the Lord need not experience earth life to prove their faithfulness.  These children have proven themselves in premortal life, but they can no longer dwell with our Father in Heaven in a celestial world.  They lack a body.  Without a body they cannot be resurrected nor can they emulate their Father.  They can not enter into the Celestial world, they are lost forever.

Because the Lord is so loving he has provided a means for these children to gain a body and thus return to him in Celestial Glory.  Part of this plan involves his children that already reside in an earthly state.  The two of you have been sealed in the “Temple of Our God” and your children fall under the covenant.  This child you carry is yours and will be forever.  How blessed you are to have been chosen to provide a tabernacle for one of the Lord’s most choice.  I know it is sad and seemingly unfair, but what greater blessing can you receive than the sure knowledge that one of your children is guaranteed residence in the Lord’s kingdom?”