As I was laying in bed a few nights ago, many small, seemingly insignificant things came to my mind. Fears, insecurities, loves and hates. For some reason I feel the need to write them down. This post won’t be much for anyone but my personal record keeping, so I apologize in advance that it’s so lengthy and feel free to skip it if you desire.

 
This pregnancy has progressed much quicker than my last. I feel like I’m already huge for just 15 weeks. I’m already in my maternity shirts and using my body pillow at night, struggling to get comfortable. I hate the taste of our toothpaste, so brushing my teeth twice each day is a daunting task. Cravings include but are not limited to: strawberries, girl scout cookies, golden spoon frozen yogurt, cuties tangerines, submarina sandwiches (with avocado!), spanish rice and beans, soups, biscuits, naan with melted butter, cold cereal, and soda (although I confess my husband hates it when I drink soda when I’m pregnant so I feel guilty indulging). My left hip hurts this pregnancy – peculiar, because last time it was my right. I still have a hard time reading books because I get a headache. I often don’t like to cook either, mostly because it smells. This has left me with absolutely nothing to do most days, as cooking and reading were my favorite things to do. My morning sickness has been almost non-existent this pregnancy, but I am extremely picky about food. I also have a VERY strong gag-reflex this time around; it’s the worst in the morning. It’s ridiculous: if I even think of a food the wrong way I’m literally gagging over the kitchen sink. I don’t fit into maternity pants very well; they’re always saggy in the butt. Thank goodness I actually own a pair of low-rise skinny jeans, and thank goodness they still fit. I confessed to Tyler the other night that I’m heartbroken that I’ll completely miss the trend of brightly colored skinny jeans. By the time I’m not pregnant anymore, they’ll be old news and I’d look like a dork trying to pull them off. I feel like my emotions are more on the surface this pregnancy. One night I watched Person of Interest with Tyler and a 6-month old baby was kidnapped. I sobbed uncontrollably the entire episode, with black tears of mascara running down my face. As our future plans are slowly coming together (more on that later), I can finally laugh and smile again. As Tyler and I were laying in bed last night, I mentioned how nice it would be to have two body pillows, one for each side. That way I wouldn’t have to struggle to pull it with me under the covers and get re situated every time I rolled over. He then burst out laughing and told extravagant details about how I’d look like a hot dog. We continued to laugh about this for five or ten minutes straight. We’re not on a plant-based diet anymore, not by a long shot. I blame it entirely on pregnancy, and my desire to eat comfort food. I don’t know how pregnant women eat their veggies, because broccoli and green beans are the last thing I want to even look at. Bring me a juicy hamburger with extra cheese, please. Tyler has been out of town a lot lately, and has multiple trips planned in the coming months. I get so lonely, and part of me is so jealous that he gets to travel and I don’t, even if it is for business. He’s been so kind and has stockpiled season two of Downton Abbey on our computer for me so I can keep my mind off of being alone. I didn’t think I’d like Downton Abbey, but I admit it sucked me in and I’m hooked. We’re currently car shopping for our second car. It’s not going well and it’s leaving us both frustrated. One thing I’ve always looked forward to is painting the walls of our home. I have never done it though because we’ve never lived in the same apartment for more than a year at a time and it seems silly to me to have to repaint if I’m only living there for a year. This past year I haven’t had many friends. We move too much and it’s making me shy. My hair is really frizzy this pregnancy and I’m considering trying a mayonnaise or egg treatment for it. I’m worried I’ll smell afterwards. I’ve eaten a lot of pizza this pregnancy. I’m ashamed of it, but I just can’t fight the craving for those dang pepperonis. This time around my hair is curly again. Do you think it will stay that way?

Jack is at one of my favorite stages, where he’s not quite a baby or a toddler. He still does baby things like sleeping in a crib, snuggling up to me, crawling, and wearing diapers. I still have to cut his grapes into quarters because, like a baby, he’s got no back teeth to chew with. But in so many ways he is growing up! He is picky about his cup being in the cup holder on his highchair tray, and likes everything on his tray a certain way. He will sit on the ground and read books aloud to himself, pointing at all the fuzzy animals he sees. Yesterday he pointed to a truck on a car commercial and said, “vroom! vroom!”. My heart melted. He tried to wash his own hair in the bathtub this morning. Last Saturday, he enjoyed the swimming pool for the first time ever. He sat backwards on his radio flyer bumper car yesterday and rode that way for a while. He tipped his little people car track over this morning trying to climb on it. He got stuck. He likes to sit on things he isn’t supposed to like his car track, little people school bus, and his push cart. He oftentimes gets stuck in precarious situations, and his scared cry makes me so sad. He loves to play with the plastic colander from the kitchen cupboard and wear it like a hat. I can often sneak in his room and find him talking to his stuffed lion, Leonard. He surprised us all by learning where his ear was in just a day or two. He also knows where his bellybutton is and usually we can get him to find his nose. He understands a lot of words but can’t say much more than shoe, Daddy, and on rare occasions, “tickle tickle!”. Sometimes it worries me how much he talks in gibberish, but how little he can actually pronounce. The only time he will ever throw a kicking and whining tantrum is when we take him out of our bedroom. For some reason he gets really upset about it! He is still extremely obedient: if I can’t even see him and tell him to get out of something, he trusts me and obeys. He loves to put on his shoes. We recently got him some non-flexible sole shoes from Target and when I put them on him he got all excited and marched around the house, bringing his knees to his chest. He’s still trying to figure out how to walk in them correctly. He’s struggling with this time change, but still takes two naps a day (1 hour in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon). He loves to eat tomato slices and cuties, and recently just got the hang of how to eat goldfish. The kid only has 4.25 teeth, and they’re all in the front. He has a bad habit right now of sticking both hands in his mouth to touch his tongue. His neck is always wet with drool, and he constantly smells like saliva. Jack loves music, and we often catch him in the back seat of the car rocking out to whatever’s on the radio. He’ll kick his feet, bob his head, and shrug his shoulders up and down to the beat. Lately I’ve been trying to let him explore more. My sister has a good rule: if it’s not harming person or property, let them do it! They’re just curious kids. Jack doesn’t watch tv, except the occasional (once a week? probably less?) 20-minute 3rd & Bird episode. I’m grateful that he doesn’t watch much tv – it just can’t keep his attention for that long. But Finding Nemo has a soft spot in our hearts as well. He loves to watch fish, so sometimes we turn that on for a few minutes when we’re waiting for Daddy to get home, or Daddy will sit and watch with him while I’m finishing up dinner. He understands it, and even gets sad after Coral and all the baby fish die. Jack got his first scraped-up knee at the zoo last Saturday. He loved walking on his own with Daddy, but unfortunately he doesn’t really grasp the concept of downhill yet. :) It’s mostly healed (it wasn’t bad) and sometimes he likes to poke at it when I’m changing his clothes. Jack doesn’t like his diaper to be changed anywhere but on his dresser. We recently switched from Luvs diapers to the Costco brand and are really happy. Randomly throughout the day he likes to lift up his shirt and find his bellybutton, as if to say, “oh good. It’s still there.” I’m worried because he can’t stand up by himself yet. He’s learned backwards – most babies learn how to pull up to standing on their own and then start walking, and Jack just started walking. When he falls, he has to crawl over to something to pull up to standing again. Some people tell me their kids were the same way and that he’ll learn soon, and other people tell me he needs physical therapy. I’m torn about what to do. Jack loves to jump. When you jump with him in your arms, he’ll “jump” in your arms to get you to do it again and again. When he’s done with naptime, he throws everything, one by one, out of his crib. First goes Leonard, then his two blankets. Then he patiently stands there waiting for us to come get him. Jack’s favorite song is my made-up Peanut Butter Sandwich song that I sing to him when he eats a peanut butter sandwich. He bobs up and down in his highchair, dancing along while he eats his sandwich. It never fails to get him excited about eating lunch. I wanted to try to potty train Jack early – around 18 months, in fact. But now that he has been such a late walker, I know it won’t be possible til much later. When he hears me fill up my waterbottle at the fridge, he often gets excited and grabs his own (usually full) waterbottle to be filled too. Jack can’t stand it when I’m in the kitchen and he’s not. He’s always around my feet when I’m cooking and it worries me constantly. I often worry about how Jack will handle a new baby in our family. Should I move him to a bed before the baby comes? He loves his crib so much. Jack sported a bowtie at church yesterday, and made many people smile because of it.