Today was one of those days. The epitome of Fall. It was windy and blustery and cold, and I woke up sick and sniffly.

I rearranged Jack’s room today, for the fourth time since we moved in three months ago. I finally think this is how we’re going to leave it. I collapsed the futon into a bed, and it actually makes it look like a bedroom. I wish I could paint and hang shelves and curtains and get a big rug in there, but alas that won’t happen in this apartment. Oh well. :)

The “bed” actually makes for the perfect place to snuggle up and read books together. Jack and I got some good mama-n-baby time in this afternoon just laying there together.

And then, of course, while I was reading Runaway Bunny to him, the tears came.

Once there was a little bunny who wanted to run away.
So he said to his mother, “I am running away.”
“If you run away,” said his mother, “I will run after you.
For you are my little bunny.”

…(and then) said the little bunny, “I will be a bird
and fly away from you.”

“If you become a bird and fly away from me,”
said his mother, “I will be a tree that you come home to.”

“If you become a tree,” said the little bunny,
“I will become a little sailboat,
and I will sail away from you.”

“If you become a sailboat and sail away from me,”
said his mother, “I will become the wind
and blow you where I want you to go.”

I sat there crying as I finished the book. “Shucks,” said the bunny, “I might just as well stay where I am and be your little bunny.” And so he did.

Let me back up: this morning as Tyler shut the front door to leave for work, Jack crawled as fast as he could to say goodbye one last time. But when the door closed, he started sobbing the saddest little cry you’ve ever heard. He missed his Daddy already.

It made me wonder why he doesn’t do that when I leave. I confess I was a little bit hurt inside.

But how forgetful and selfish I can sometimes be! He loves me just as much as he loves his Daddy. He crawls around the house to find me, just like he does with Daddy. He plays tag around the coffee table with me, just like he does with Daddy.

Tyler told me today, “It’s just that he misses me like we (miss) asparagus during the summer. But avocados are always around. It doesn’t mean that we like asparagus more than avocados, it just means that we’re glad when asparagus is in season again.”

Later this morning when I created our secret-snuggle-reading-bed in his room, Jack instigated the cuddling, and tried to get his little squishy face and chubby cheeks as close to mine as possible. He wanted to make sure I knew he loved me. He’s gotten better and better at showing me this.

He now hangs on really tight and squeezes my shoulders in a hug when I pick him up from his diaper change. He makes sure to kiss my face when I sit on the floor with him. And he presses face to face, cheek to cheek to say “I love you, mama.”

I think I just need to be better at recognizing it.