Comments on: just a homemaker

By: Kelsey

Kelsey — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 09:32:35 +0000

Well said Alie. You summed it up perfectly! You have a way with words.

By: Alie

Alie — Tue, 16 Jul 2013 20:34:43 +0000

I’m so glad you always share your thoughts! There is definitely not a right (or easy!) answer here, and there never will be, will there? I think the purpose is to learn and grow in whatever experiences you do choose to have.

By: Amy

Amy — Sat, 13 Jul 2013 04:57:41 +0000

I’m looking forward to reading this book. I’ve heard it contributes greatly to the “work or stay-at-home” discussion.

A Midwife’s Tale: The Life of Martha Ballard, Based on Her Diary, 1785-1812

By: Kelsey

Kelsey — Sat, 13 Jul 2013 01:19:43 +0000

Hey Alie! I sympathize with this issue- even though I don’t have kids yet, I think about it a lot. You’ve probably considered part-time or contract work already, but from what you’re saying it sounds like a decent option- especially with your skills that are so well-suited for that market. I doubt Jack would look back and say, “I just have fond memories of that babysitter that helped out for a couple hours a day, even though my mom was there almost all the time.” Besides… I’m sure he’ll have fond memories of Tyler, even though Tyler’s not there the majority of the time. It’s always interesting to me how moms can be framed as bad for not being there for everything, even though dads miss the vast majority of milestones because of work, but are still considered good parents for the time they do put in at home. Deciding whether to work or not is a totally personal choice, but I think a lot of women feel pressured to not work, so they don’t genuinely consider the possibility, even though they could feel prompted to if they gave it a chance. Some women definitely feel inspired not to work, and of course if that’s the case they should honor that. But it seems I have a lot of friends who feel so shamed about considering even part-time work that they aren’t able to honestly ask God or consider that option. Just some of my thoughts- I’m not projecting them on you (don’t know what kind of process you’ve gone through), rather, sharing some of the pre-baby observations I’ve had as I struggle with what choices I plan to make as a mom. There’s definitely no one-size-fits-all easy answer.

As I’ve thought about this for myself, I’ve appreciated this quote from Sister Beck, which she addressed to the women of the church-

“The question of whether or not to work is the wrong question. The question is, ‘Am I aligned with the Lord’s vision of me and what He needs me to become, and the roles and responsibilities He gave me in heaven that are not negotiable? Am I aligned with that, or am I trying to escape my duties?'”

I think as LDS women, when we see “responsibilities” and “duties” we automatically think “childrearing/nurturing.” While that is definitely a “primary responsibility,” as the proclamation says, it’s not the only responsibility we have. So her quote is a really interesting, dynamic one because it encourages us to ask ourselves whether we are honoring our responsibilities (plural!) the best we can. And that is a personal question, with an ideal answer that looks different for every woman, given our different skills, talents, family situations, etc.

Hope you don’t mind me sharing all these thoughts. I appreciate the beautiful posts you write on here and admire you a great deal. xox

By: Alie

Alie — Thu, 11 Jul 2013 21:27:30 +0000

It’s really, really hard, right? It’s like we’re simultaneously supposed to be looking forward and making plans for the future, but enjoying the now as well. I have yet to find peace with doing this.

And yes, I do believe for all this waiting we will someday be rewarded. It’s also in trusting His timeline, not ours.

By: Erin

Erin — Thu, 11 Jul 2013 04:12:35 +0000

Thanks for this post Alie. I’m feeling the same way- with trying to live in the now and finding purpose when I want to fast forward to the next stage, to how I wish my life was. Funny enough I was in Kneaders the other day and saw this piece of art on the wall staring right at me:
“Wait
Upon the Lord
Be Strong
and
Take
Heart.” Not that difficult of a thing to read/understand, but it took me 5x of reading through because I kept getting stuck at “Wait”. Almost like it was in bold, flashing lights. And although that is so much more blasted easier said than done, I’m trying to believe that all this waiting we go through, will be rewarded.

By: tammy

tammy — Thu, 11 Jul 2013 03:05:25 +0000

I know just how you feel only I never had the quietness of just one child. I think it is important to remember that being home with Jack is just as important as being home with two or more children. There are no “do overs” in parenting and Jack is blessed that you can be home with him.