Comments on: a selfish fear

By: Alie

Alie — Thu, 16 May 2013 15:27:52 +0000

Thank you, Katie. You’re absolutely right – there is nothing wrong with one child. But I feel like there are more that are supposed to come to our family. I’m not set upon having eight, but a couple more would be nice. In all of our “perfection” as three, sometimes it is a little lonely.

Tyler and I really got overwhelming feelings of “we need to have another one RIGHT NOW” with Jack and Amelia. So I’m just counting on that overwhelming feeling of “the right time” to come again. And hopefully it’s soon, but it seems like I’ve still got some grief issues to work out fully before the time comes.

By: Alie

Alie — Thu, 16 May 2013 15:22:23 +0000

RIGHT?! There is a lot of sacrifice involved, but that shouldn’t make us unhappy. I’m retreading Bringing Up Bebe and just read about how motherly satisfaction is super low in the US compared to France. Perhaps it’s just because of the way we raise our children, so we’re constantly doing more than we need to to be above everyone else? And are people unsatisfied being mothers because they’re part of the problem with their own parenting? I can’t really say because I don’t have more than one child. But the book (and everything else I read about it) tells me that kids aren’t as “bad” or “difficult” in other countries as they are here. That leads me to believe a lot of it is parenting fault, not the kids.

By: Katie Seibert

Katie Seibert — Thu, 16 May 2013 08:31:59 +0000

There is nothing wrong with raising one child. I have noticed lately that you are writing about this anxiety regarding the size of your family.

It sounds like the pressure is external. When (and IF) you want to have another child, it will be clear to you and it will feel right.

And if not, that’s okay too. Your only responsibility is being a great mom to Jack and a great wife to Tyler. And you seem to be doing a WONDERFUL job. I would never for one second think that you were a selfish person. I hate to see you being so hard on yourself. Try to understand you are perfect the way you are.

By: Kelsey

Kelsey — Thu, 16 May 2013 06:36:37 +0000

Hey :) I hear you on this, and I don’t even have any kids yet! But it’s interesting to kind of observe as an outsider, and I’d say that the vast majority of comments I hear from all my friends about their kids are negative comments. VAST majority. Not the reason we don’t have kids yet, but it certainly doesn’t make the prospect of having children any more appealing. And I should disclaim that I’m not judging anyone for being negative- it does seem really hard and hellish a lot of the time. Sometimes it is hard to understand why anyone is becoming a parent though, with how unhappy and exhausted they all seem :). Guess we’ll understand when we get there! xo