I don’t even know what to say lately. The days are just a blur. When people ask how I’m feeling, I just smile and say we’re doing all right. This is an obvious lie, but how do I even begin to convey the mixed emotions welled up inside of me? I’m often scared to sleep. I used to take a short nap while Jack was napping but lately I’ve been plagued with terrible, terrible dreams that leave me anxious and scared. Terrible and wonderful, for I do get to see baby Amelia in them.
The gospel of Jesus Christ and knowing of God’s eternal plan should keep us happy and positive, but as the reality of the situation sets in that becomes increasingly difficult. But I’ve come to terms that it’s okay to cry and mourn for a time; we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. And in the end, it’s opposition and trials like this that draw us closer as a family and closer to God and His presence here on earth.